hello darkness, my old friend

I feel as boundless as the dark. And the dark is getting deeper and deeper, and I simply do not know how to get out. I want to open the windows, to let fresh air and the sunshine in, still I do not move. I want to smile and really mean it. I want to feel passionate about something again. I want to believe that everything is going to be okay, still I do not move. Here I am, sitting in the dark, writing this senseless post, rambling about my boring little situation. I want to go back to when I used to make my bed everyday. I want to go back to when I used to go to classes because I was looking forward to learning something new - I have this opportunity to learn, to expand my horizons, then why am I here? Why am I here, watching tv series like there is no tomorrow? I guess I do it so that I will not have to face reality. My own reality. Which is not bad, not bad at all, and I know it. I have everything anyone could ask for, and I really do not mean to be ungrateful. It is just that there is this hole, this darkness, and it keeps me from reaching the light.

While this goes on, I miss great hours. Hours I could be doing something great for myself, for the ones I love, the ones I want to make feel proud. Days I could be enjoying my life, enjoying the wonderful family and friends I have. Days I should NOT waste by complaining about my NON-problematic life.

***

I am drawn to the darkness.

But I should not be.

There is no reason to.

I...just...am.