I've been meaning to step out into the great unknown for a while now, but I never felt ready. It never felt right taking all the risks and facing the world. For a long time I lost touch with myself: I tried to kill all possibility of feeling; I tried denying the truth. I lived in a sort of bubble, in an imaginary world of my own. But the more I tried to live without pain, the more unhappy I felt. There was this hole inside, this lack of feeling/experience that left me wanting more. Now that I've realized this, I could feel a sadness about all the time that went by without my having lived a lot of things; but I see this time as a preparation. Had I experienced those many things before, I guess they wouldn't have felt right. I needed that time, I needed to get ready, I needed all the learning. "Tragedy was preparing me for something greater. Every loss that came before was a lesson. I was being prepared".
Now all I wanna do is feel. Good or bad, does not matter. I have been tearing down the wall, brick by brick, slowly. All I need is not to rush things. Patience, patience, patience.
